possible-chaos

I’m still really trying to write, thou if I posted here more, that is a type of writing. 

I do have a really awesome story to tell. I mean I see it as an amazing one. And sometimes that’s what freezes me in a place as too not write. I just want it to be so perfect. The best ever. 

I keep jotting parts of it down, things they say to each other, layering things, plotting in a way. 

I have started a job now that is testing my writing time. I’m going to have set a new time to write. Revamp. And that always throws me into a loop. 

Just wish I didn’t live in a little village, we are not a town. There is no one here that writes, that would help to hold me too it. The nearest town to be is 80 miles away. And that’s not a drive I can make often. 

I can do this thou. I can. Yes, I can. 

I pull my card every day, as a way to get me rolling. Make me think. Plan, my plan, to plan some more. 

The one I pulled today, wow, talked of a sword, double edge, can hold power for justice, clarity, or arrogance of raw power, rage. 

Something is beginning. It will force a slice one way or the other. 

Am I ready? Will I see it for what it is and make the best choice? 

I have had a lot of cards lately asking me if I want to give it my all, or just keep shoving it to the side. 

It’s time. 

For 7 days I was up in the mountains, sleeping in my car, eating camp food, riding horse back, and tracking down cattle. It was amazing. Searching for cattle though all the trees and across steams, over logs and jumping bogs. Just so amazing. Loved every moment of it. 😁

I’m so blocked…I’ve tried to pull it together. I’ve tried to rewrite what little I have. It’s all in my mine. I can see it. I can feel it. I can hear them, yet I just can’t place the words in the page. I’m blocked. 

tomorrow I’m sitting down and just diving in. I’ve got to start somewhere. I have to just get back too it. And the only way to do that is to just step in, get messy, and just write. I’m going to just start writing. 

Wish me luck. Wonder if there are more like me out there. 

I have it all in my head, it’s right there on the edge. I talk to them. I listen to them. I doodle thoughts. 

Yet, the words do not follow. I can seem to sit, spill them upon a page. All I have had for close to two years was being a mom, a grand mom that was more like a mom, while my daughter battled cancer. I was there very time she needed, the grandkids needed care when the had to run off too treatments. 

Now, there is nothing. The time is my own. She is doing great. Has moved days away from me, in place of two hours. We still have a few bumps to cross. More surgery. A different cancer this time. 

Still, I have the time to write, and I just find other things to do. I love this story, and the other one that floats around my head. I guess I keep thinking that I’ll get a call and I’ll have to drop it all again. 

So, the days go on, the writing drifts about the air and I wait. 

how meny have heard of this amazing little system? 

It has become my go-to for holding my WIP and date books, journal, doodling. I have made my own inserts, wanting it to fit my time management plan. I love love love this little leather dream. 

I’m finding it hard to dive back into my writing after being the caregiver to my grandkids for so long. And the mom I need you moments while my daughter fought cancer. I’m trying, really trying. But I just can’t seem to begain. It’s like I’m lost in an muddy puddle of emotions. 

I have to plunge in and find the clear water of writing. 

I’m going on my office. I have made a desk out of an old iron sawing stand and an old door, tomorrow I get the glass to cover it so that I can get everything in place and start writing again. 

I’m excitied. Ready to have things all in place and the house like new. It’s a good feeling. 

I’ll try and post a picture once it’s done. 

As I have said before, my daughter has thyroid cancer, her hubby is military. They have moved them to the best place for him to advance and her for best treatment options. 

So to Maryland we went. I have been with them for over a month, planning, packing, moving their little family days away. What once was a two hour drive to help them out, is now a two day, without stoping drive. It was so much fun, with a two year old, a one year old, two dogs and a cat. 

We survived. 

They are settled. And for now things look good for her. We pray it stays that way. She needs to be a mom and her babies need to have a mom. 

I have been home a few weeks, but once back was hit with painting, remodeling my home. I am hoping to get back to my love…writing. Really miss it and want this book done by fall, so that edits can began and trying to get it to a publisher can happen. 

I will be posting every Sunday evening now til I really get rolling again. Then it may move back to every day. 

Have a beautiful day 

from my last post to this, I have not written a word, well, take that back I have done a little here or there. 

I have been so busy helping my daughter move across the country. From New Mexico to DC. Took us four days to drive due to two babies. We didn’t want them trapped in a car for two whole days. 

We got to hear my granddaughter sing, she’s two…all bout da diaper base diaper base diaper base, da diaper base diaper base, no more troubles. She is so funny. 

I have been in DC helping them unpack and settle. We will meet DRs soon and see what her next steps in cancer treatments will be. Then I’ll head home. Hopefully with awesome news, or return to stay for another month while she under goes another round. Praying no more cancer. 

So my possible chaos has been true chaos for the past month. I’ll try and post again soon.